I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
