so explain again why im purple
no
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Enjoy the penises
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
