I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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