He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
