your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So vagazzling was a success
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
