Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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