The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
