As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
