I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
