Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
