I cut my penus on the lid.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
