I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
