Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
