so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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