I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
