Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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