i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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