you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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