I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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