at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
