just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
