I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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