Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
