i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
