It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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