We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
