you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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