so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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