Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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