Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
