apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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