Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Randomize
