apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i think i have herpe
just one?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
