How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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