On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
