Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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