she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
