Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
