I met the friendliest cop last night
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
