you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
