My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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