Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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