I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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