Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Randomize
