i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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