Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
