I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
