All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
