he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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