Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize