On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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