I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
