I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
