For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
