I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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