i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
