Someone shit on the floor
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
