$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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