Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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