happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
