Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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