last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
