Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
