dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
