we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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