I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
