We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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