In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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