DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
