She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's never too late to be topless.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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