Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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