Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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