That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i need some magic done to my vagina
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
