she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
