I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
