I smell stomach acid.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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