You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
