Having a random hookup so left but love u
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
