well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Everything about him screamed your future.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
