I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
